I Need a Manual

I like to plan. I'm very detailed oriented. I will make schedules and budgets and chore lists and they look and seem like the most perfect spreadsheets ever made. I call family meetings so we can make sure every single person in the family doesn't have any surprises and they all know what needs to be done. My problem is that I can't implement them. Then I get upset when I can't make them work.

I think I might actually have ADHD.  Honestly, I think it's because I can't just focus on one thing long enough to get it done because there is always some other problem creeping up behind me. I think I have time to paint them living room? No...because while I'm trying to paint, the little boys are in the school room emptying the closet and I can't leave them unsupervised long enough to give all my attention to something so detailed.  It is a rainy, cold day, perfect for working on a rag quilt I wanted to make for Hannah. Wrong. My needle is missing from the sewing machine, because it's a machine and therefore must be dismantled by the child "mechanic" in my house. I know, I'll make a yummy, sugar filled treat for them when they get home from school! Nope. My mixer is missing a part and they ate half the ingredients needed. All the laundry is finished!! GLORIOUS DAY!! Till I walk into their bedroom and find it all over the floor. We are going to have a family outing, and we have to get out of the house before I go insane. This is a 45 minute ordeal to just get out of the house, so I've gotten to the point that I just make sure I count 7 heads in the van. Once we get to the destination, I hear: 'I don't have my shoes', 'Someone's poopy' (Who got the diaper bag? Where is it? Oh, we forgot it at home?!), 'I'm hungry', and 'Someone is crying because this isn't where they wanted to go'. My daily motto: "You can't please everyone, myself included".

Maybe this is more of a symptom of having a large family and not necessarily because of kids with issues.

I wish I had a manual that details these situations out. Maybe multiple choice options come with it but the correct answers are conveniently not published with the book.

SITUATION: Your daughter wants to walk the dogs, but has the wrong kind of leashes to walk them with. All you can envision is the dog seeing a cat and dragging her down the hill, she lets go of the leash, gets scraped up enough that she needs stitches and the dog is running wild through traffic and yards while your other kids chase him down. Meanwhile, your toddler is in the house alone getting into the refrigerator. DO YOU:

A. Go after the dog.
B. Stay with the toddler and hope the older kids don't get run over.
C. Think your daughter's injuries can be treated at home with bandaids.
D. Buckle the baby in the van, run over a bike in the driveway, chase kids down one by one in the van, realize the dog is now lost, give baby wipes to the injured/bleeding kid, and go home to start dinner and hope a neighbor finds your dogs and bring them home for you.

I just realized after writing that, most of it was hypothetical.

This was the real situation:

Your daughter wants to walk the dogs with a friend but can't find the leashes needed to walk a 65lb Blab (basset hound/lab mix) that likes to run and the other dog that really should have been named Nutsy because he thinks everything needs to be barked at and chased. Your older son starts a fight with her and hid the leashes because he wants to walk the dogs himself. It's the end of the day, you're trying to start dinner, do homework, and fill out yet another medical form at the same time. To settle the situation you tell your daughter she can't walk the dogs, but she can go on a 20 minute walk with her friend. This is her reaction: "I HATE THIS HOUSE", kicks a  foot sized hole in the wall,  and slams door followed by multiple objects being thrown at the door. Meanwhile, your kids decide this is the perfect time to go out front and let the dogs loose in the process. DO YOU:

A. Drink a soda.
B. Put them all to bed RIGHT NOW, who cares if they have had dinner.
C. Send older kids to round up the dogs and rain punishments on your daughter that will last until she is 33 or the holes are fixed in the walls, which ever comes first.
D. Find new homes for the dogs.
E. Realize you have lost this battle and YOU go to bed without dinner, because stick a fork in me, I'm done, and they probably already ate half of dinner raw anyway, so why bother cooking.

Yeah...I got nothing.

I need a book that details out all possible scenarios and gives nice little tips along the way, like:

• Remember to put clothes on first thing in the morning so you don't flash the neighbors getting your naked 3 year old off the trampoline while others cry because they were peed on. 
• Hide your bandaids and tweezers in places even you will forget because otherwise they become stickers for decorations and tools for backyard experiments. 
• Learn how to handle hostage situations like the pros! Bedtime Routines...

I know for a fact all this looks so good on paper. Thousands of books have been written on the subject. Thousands of seminars and classes and support groups have been attended because we are all looking for answers. I remember we went to an Autism support group one time and we were besides ourselves trying to figure out how to clip fingernails without needing a backboard, straps and three people. Nobody had any answers. A year later we figured out if we squeezed his fingers really hard till they went numb, we could clip his nails without even a peep. We went back to the support group with that information, feeling pretty proud of ourselves. Everything else around us was a conundrum but we knew how to clip our autistic son's fingernails!

I'll just celebrate the happy moments, count 7 heads at the end of the day, and call it good. One day I will know all the answers, albeit a little late. Maybe I can help with the grandkids. Maybe my kids will never know I didn't know what I was doing? It's all just a wild guess, hope, and a prayer.